Read my story and tell me what you think?

O.O whoa. I became enthralled immediately after I read the first sentence, although the way this is written on the site, its hard to tell where exactly something begins and ends (That's probably not your fault though) You have great grammar, unlike me cause i spell weird and such. I see a whole lot of Commas though. A LOT of commas and that's good, you know how to make a proper sentence. Lets put it this way so I'll stop ranting, Id read it if it was a book.